If you’ve lived in the home you’re about to leave for many years, then you must have filled it up with happy memories and charged it with positive energy from wall to wall and floor to ceiling. I grew up on an acreage in Northeast Nebraska south of a little town called Meadow Grove. Visit our Say goodbye to your mum, the kindly ambulance man said. I am happy it is. So when they are adults, they can run the hand over the notches and their hearts will swell with love.I will miss you house. When I closed the door behind me for the last time, I was struck with the disconcerting notion that I would never be held by something in quite the same way again.My parents have begun a new chapter in their lives. The house where I will always refer to as home is going to a young family. I tell my children to find something else to do when I am busy working or talking with friends. The goodbyes are happening more often. And when the moving truck pulls away, it will be time to say so long, farewell, auf wiedersehen, and goodbye forever to a place that was so much more than four walls and a roof.
I walk somberly from room to room with my Canon, zooming in on every surface before snapping a photograph. Please.My parents will make a new home for themselves; my siblings and I will always be welcomed. The time getting together with family is less and less. Dorothy once said, "There's no place like home, there's no place like home." They will build secret forts in the trees and a little hideout under the stairs. If only we could click our shoes and come home anytime we want. I was home. The little boy or girl will lay their head in same room where I slept.
I know that the time I have with my parents is now on a downhill slope. I don’t even get cell service there. As a young girl, it was magical. I ignore the flashes of guilt and remind myself that I am actually giving them a gift by not making them the center of the universe. I pray they find peace, love, and acceptance within these walls. They are getting older.
My mom had been lamenting the out-of-date decor for years, and when an offer fell into their lap, it seemed like a sign that it was time for a change. The love and sacrifice they had for each other and their children. (Yes we killed our own chickens). Every time I come back I revisit the 8-year-old me, the 13 year-old-me. Grass to cut, garden to weed, wood to chop, chickens to butcher. One of the things I have learned as I age is that time goes by so fast. I couldn’t wait to get out. I was filled with grief for the familiar rooms that would no longer be mine. Letting the rolling hills and familiar surroundings ease the tightening pain on my chest. In the 29 years I’ve been alive it has changed very little; part of why it pains me to say goodbye is the fact that I will no longer be able to visit my younger self. Yet, when the stress of life and growing up became too much, I drove towards home. I was critical of their choice to get rid of our comfortable old house and start over, considering it to be impractical and perhaps even foolish.
The older I got the less I loved it. Thank you for giving me 33 wonderful years to call you home. I am paving the way for my daughters to be fulfilled women with lives and desires of their own.And yet, hypocritically, I couldn’t seem to extend the same courtesy to my own parents. It would also be the last time I saw our home, our cat and, it turned out, it would be the end of my childhood.
My sons love their Nana and Papa’s house. Walls, beams, windows, a roof.
The sunsets, the local coffee shops, the people and the backroads which lead to our favorite … When they see the markings on the door frame where my mom marked our growth, I hope they ask their mom to do it too. They are human beings, enjoying their retirement and a slower pace of living. I could always get in touch with my adolescent self, my young-adult self, all of the selves that had faded to give way to the latest incarnation of me. My mom and dad fill the rooms with love, laughter, and faith.
A Nebraska native with a love of coffee, the Lord, music, a good romance novel, movies, and dessert.
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